- a meal that screams of home. there is love in it and all around, and i can’t help but succumb to it. 

- prose-like poetry. 

- a combination of humorous charm and unsettling social awkwardness that cuts through the entree. 

- a bottle of wine to wash it down. 

- the constant need for cats to sit on my lap. 

- a sense of undying longing for a past that never existed. 

- endless fidgeting to fill the gaps in which i don't tell them anything. ever. - a relentless attempt to handle my liquor. if only to not regurgitate. 

- three friends that have often loathed me. 

they sit around the table

and we laugh

and it’s perfect but i wonder. 

- love tainted with a judgy bitchiness i carry in my back pocket. 

always delivered monotonously. 

- anger that melts into hurt and a need for my cheeks to turn red. just once.

- an uncontrollable sweet tooth that runs into the ending of every conversation. - an admiration for everyone i’ve ever hated. 

- hatred for anyone i’ve ever loved. 

- constant urge to leave 

only to return with dessert 

it’s ice cream and it’s half melted but i laugh and maybe it’s all okay. 

(the ice cream makes me sick) 

-  jokes that make up for everything. hopefully. 

laughter that never comes. 

- truths that I cannot swallow. 

i write them down to remind myself they exist.